Everyone has inherent leadership abilities—even the most humble and introverted among us. But cultivating those tendencies, and learning how to utilize them, doesn’t happen overnight. Experienced people managers know that getting a promotion, no matter how well deserved, won’t automatically make you a leader. Since your new role doesn’t come with a training manual, here are some ways you can become a better leader on your own.
1) Check your self-limiting beliefs
Does your internal monologue include a lot of “I can’t” statements? Like, I can’t meet with my team regularly because I don’t have enough time. I can’t improve my communication because I’m already pushed to my limits. I can’t admit to making a mistake because then people will know I’m not good enough.
These types of statements are defined as “self-limiting” in that they hold you back from achieving your best. And here’s the thing: Most of the time they’re completely untrue. But the longer you let your self-limiting beliefs run rampant, the more likely they are to impact your performance. In this way, self-limiting beliefs can often become self-fulfilling prophecies.
I have plenty of my own self-limiting beliefs, so I know turning them off isn’t easy. Fortunately, just recognizing a self-limiting belief can go a long way to lessening its power. Next time you feel like you can’t do something, pause and ask yourself, “Is this statement true? Or are my self-limiting beliefs busy at work again?” If you’re unsure, consult a trusted colleague, friend, or a professional coach. Often, an outside perspective is all you need to see things clearly.
2) Actively listen
If you’re a people manager, then it might feel like you already spend the majority of your day listening. But there’s a difference between politely listening—when your mind may wander or you’re busy thinking of what you’ll say in response—versus actively listening, which requires you to stay completely engaged.
To actively listen, you should be patient (let your team members speak without interruption), non-judgmental (stay neutral; hear them out before jumping to conclusions), and you’ll need to use both your ears and your eyes. Non-verbal cues account for a huge amount of person-to-person communication. What you see can help you better understand what you’re hearing. For instance, if one of your team members tells you that everything is fine but has a pained or worried expression, you may interpret the message differently. In fact, you will likely need to ask further questions before you formulate a response.
Once you believe you understand what they’re trying to tell you, active listening requires that you summarize your interpretation and reflect it back to the individual you’re speaking with. Did you understand? Let your team member tell you.
3) Making A Mistake
Admit what you don’t know and come clean when you make a mistake. To err is human. We all know this, and yet, most conscientious leaders demand perfection of themselves. But striving for perfection doesn’t make great leaders. Experience does.
So how do we get leadership experience? Hint: It’s not by pretending you know everything. Instead, you need to get humble. Really humble. Ask questions, even if doing so makes you uncomfortable. Try new things, even if you might fail. Admit when you make mistakes, even if you’re embarrassed.
4) Ask for and accept feedback
Speaking of asking questions, a confident leader is willing to ask for feedback even though the truth may hurt to hear. That means accepting what you’re told. If you hear criticism, you may disagree, sometimes strongly, but that doesn’t make it any less true for the individual who has shared it with you.
Look at this way: If you ask your team members for candid feedback and they give it to you, then it would be a breach of trust to do anything but respectfully acknowledge their point of view. (Revisit tip #2 for how to do this.) If you get defensive, lash out, or turn the tables on them, you’ve damaged your status as a people manager. This individual will no longer share feedback with you, but instead, direct their complaints about you to others within your organization. The same goes for the scenario in which your supervisor is the one giving you feedback. But, in this case, if you’re not willing to accept what you hear, your job may be at risk.
When you accept feedback, you don’t have to agree with it, but you do need to give it thought. Sit with the information you’ve received—not for a minute, but for a few days, even a few weeks. Keep an open mind. You may determine that all or some of the feedback is valid, which will require you to make some adjustments.
5) Promote a learning environment You’re not perfect, and neither are your team members. Demanding perfection can scare your team into self-protection mode. When members of a team are more concerned with how they are perceived than how they can best achieve their goals, the focus shifts from innovation to survival.
Cultivate outside-of-the-box thinking by emphasizing learning above perfection. Mistakes offer one of the greatest growth opportunities, so don’t scare your team away from making them, particularly if the risks are low.
A professional coach can also be a particularly helpful, and unbiased, resource without any baggage attached. If you want to be a better people manager, or you’re just ready to improve your leadership skills, reach out and let’s see if I can help.